it’s always been an interesting idea to look back at ourselves and this blog is no different. the idea has recently surfaced about whether or not I’ve really changed a whole lot since this whole thing began in 2010(?). And while this is always a lingering question, it gets a little more attention when it has bolts of substance strapped onto it. It’s an unnerving feeling, seeing that possibly many of the things that I wrote about 4 years ago are similar to the themes I write about today, albeit with a little more detail back then. py says it’s because I started off mature but I don’t really see that as being too true considering all the craziness that I was in high school. It is a tad unnerving.
But as I opened up Philippians to hear about Paul’s complete confidence and eager expectation of the work that Christ was doing in him, I wondered at how I ever read Philippians. Because the more and more I look at it, it is a book full of imagery about quite literally dying for the work of Jesus Christ. How quaint that the church sermon series coincides with the summer’s questions. It’s a story about Paul, in chains for a total of four years, rejoicing in his suffering and encouraging the church in Philippi that despite this, there is most definitely joy and there is most definitely confidence to be had. It is a letter about letting the gospel spread through your very lives and what it means to give your life wholly as an offering. As I scanned down from today’s sermon passage even by the end of chapter 1, Paul has hit this point.
“For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.” – Philippians 1:29-30
And now long in chapter 3 we have the example of Epaphroditus, whose almost-sacrifice of his life en route to the church of Philippi brought a kind of completion to the gospel. It was a living representation of just how much Jesus means. I’m not sure how I read this as a younger version of myself because like I had to say in Pneumatos yesterday, these are weighty words. These are weighty things. There is much at stake. And perhaps as I grow older, it is an ever growing realization of their weight. As I begin to hold more of my own life into my hands, understanding that time is no longer carved out for me by my parents or by a preset school system, Jesus calls an ever increasing more of myself. And I think I’m realizing more and more as I grow older ( and hopefully more mature) that the words that Paul speaks and the disciples speak, that those are to be my words. That I am to have an “eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed but that with full courage as always Christ will be honored in my body”. That the words Paul says about being like him as he follows Christ, that those actually apply to me. And Paul is a tank, in pretty all ways and although my rhetoric and ability to staple arguments together will probably not reach his skill, I am to have the same heart. So while I might be talking about the same things as I did when I was four years younger, it is my hope in Philippians 1:6 that tells me that I have come to understand, if not just a little more, of what I have been called towards.
Also this quote that py sent to me today:
Self denial is never just a series of isolated acts of mortification or asceticism. It is not suicide, for there is an element of self-will even in that. To deny oneself is to be aware only of Christ and no more of self, to see only him who goes before and no more the road which is too hard for us. Once more, all that self denial can say is: “He leads the way, keep close to him.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Our lives are not flashes and bangs, a firework in the sky, one shot stories of slaying dragons and recovering ancient treasure from the bottom of the ocean. And while the imagery a person holding us to gunpoint asking us whether or not we believe in Christ is hard, it gives a somewhat heroic feeling. It is perhaps more scary that we are called out Christ for the rest of our lives. Our lives are long stories and for many of us, there will be no epics and legends written about us.
On another note, it was encouraging hearing Pastor Lou speaking today not only because he’s an excellent story teller and that he’s actually quite intellectual but that there was such an obvious air of trust and obedience in flow ministries. That while I am still here, there is just as much opportunity to do some dying and going.
//on a completely different side note, it is going to be an increasingly hard year. there are too many people backing the rampant part of my mind.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace 