The zombie apocalypse is Schrödinger’s cat.

 

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Although that might seem really weird, the sentence makes sense with reference to things. I don’t want this post to be about what my results were. That’ll probably become apparent as this post is generated and words come out but that was never what’s important.

I had originally planned for tonight to be a walk outside, possibly crash into a tree a couple times (kidding) and stare at the stars while it possibly thunder stormed around me. Not in some kind of angsty notebook replica scene (because I haven’t even watched that movie before) but because I thought I needed some time alone. And I probably do. I probably need to go and sit and really mull over what it all means now. but instead of that tonight, God gave me something better. He gave me people that He spoke through and reminded me through more than my own voice that this was never about me. And that although I might feel like sulking and being all moody and antisocial, I had sin to confess.

 

Surrender.

 

It was never yours as if you deserved it.

 

and one piece of imagery was so striking. The story of the young rich man. I’ve read that before, many times, and I’ve said before “take my money” or “take my future” and while those have been heavy struggles like the prospect of having a kid and raising them up in a less-than-first-world-country (it doesn’t seem that big but when your life dream is tied to it…) and in truth I’ve always been  very free with my money when it comes to serving others and whatnot. I use the term OSAP many times, more than I probably should. But instead of money this time it became even the context that we live in and the path of university –> job and all the other securities that are so normal to me. And the thought of saying to Jesus that it was too hard and walking away, walking away from a life that was devoted and sacrificed to God…that was scary. Because the alternative is scarier. What else really is there to live for other than Christ? The words of a man soon 31 years old now rang in my head.  He follows Christ because there is really nothing better to turn to. Everything else is a sham and while that shines light on Christ, that statement also inherently shines light on every way of living life.

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for future brothers and sisters who talk with med school applicants when they are dealing with failure:

– don’t try to make them happy that fast. let them grieve. most or all of the words you’re saying about there being more and trusting in the Lord, we know those statements. in our heads. there’s just a bit of a gap between there and our hearts and it takes a few days to crawl down there. we appreciate it

– do not assume anyone gets in. we are all at fault for that game but I would suggest you don’t talk or ask with that presumption. telling people they’re leaving or saying jokes like “goodbye doctor” are definitely light hearted and received as such, but they also unconsciously or consciously build up the ego and the expectation. which is not a good option here.

– while this may contradict number one, I prefer the method of telling people straight up what the gospel truth is. they might not want to hear it but they will need it eventually. the truth is, it’s never good to wrap your worth or life around a career or some kind of grad application process. I guess a clarification for number one is the “it’s going to be okay” statements. The really happy ones delivered with a boatload of smiles. we love your smiles. we just…can’t handle them that day. As in communications skills (=P) mirror the emotions.