That’s a line from a song that I was just listening. So it’s not to say that’s my sentiment at the moment though at the same time, it feels pretty real.
The next few days don’t look particularly slow paced so I think I might as well end the night with an attempt to process things.
As the two weeks of VBC ends, I can see the summer literally trickle away. This august that I had assumed to be filled with excitement and reflection passed by almost unconsciously. There was a nice week after MCAT of a little quietness, reading The Hobbit, fleshing out a bit of my not-so-far novel but even that was filled with the underlying rush task of coming up with a wedding slideshow and having multiple fails on various devices.
Then VBC quickly approached. I think one change in the past 2ish years has been that feeling of detachment from those that I’m with. Almost like I’m borrowing them (the children) from someone else who really has them. At least that’s how it felt this year. I knew I’d only be around for a week and then someone else would be taking them. Mixed in with the constant feeling of tiredness, I know that my effort this year was different and probably less than in my youth. Part of me is heavily considering applying for coordinator next year but I wonder if even that is a cop-out. I know that I’m a good planner not as a point of pride but because I’ve actually done it and God has put in me a desire for organization and logistics. But at the same time, as spoken in the devo that I read that week, of course those that work out of their own strength grow weary. But it is the supernatural Holy Spirit that give supernatural strength for the work of God. And that’s something I’ll have to struggle with this year too, especially after talking to Freddy today about the state of Pneumatos and realizing that my own preconceptions of Pneumatos and half-heartedness contributed to the current confusion. I had dreamed a little but hadn’t given it to God trusting that He would actually build it despite seeing committal problems and not having a lot of outside support.
Two smallish but significant things that randomly happened.
At Frosh Connexion I was recognized by an old student in my Peer Tutoring class. And it was actually such a surprise and he looked different, primarily older, but it simply amazed me that he had this change of heart. I mean he was still a bit goofy but he made the joke that he wasn’t any more trouble because he’s converted. Thinking back, I was pretty much stunned by seeing him and didn’t really respond very much. But to see him firstly finishing high school and going to college and secondly, pursuing fellowship and Christ, it really reminded me of God’s character; He calls the most unlikely of people to Himself.
And meeting up with Ben was nice. I was a little worried I’d be anticlimactic (he makes everything sound epic) in comparison with his other meet ups and I didn’t want to leave my cousins for too long at the ROM but the time turned out to pass by really quickly. I would’ve liked to be able to pray for one another as there’s a lot happening for both of us pretty soon, though probably more change in his life than mine. In a way, we’ve shared many of the same things. Frosh leading, health sci, the same DG, committee. But at the same time, we’re very different people: I’m much more task-oriented and overall quiet whereas he loves talking and is probably more emotionally driven. I’m excited to see him challenged and although he’s not particularly close by anymore, I don’t think the friendship is over. It’s been a real blessing to learn from him and to see his passion in DG this year. He may not always be the most sensible man but I thank God for his wisdom.
And here I am again, ending a post without really having cohesively tied it all together. Still that feeling of summer fragmentation.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace 