In retrospect, it was a tremendous blessing that I didn’t get to be a Pathogen this year. I don’t know how I would have managed CCF + Pathogen seeing people worn out by only one of those things. I’ve been meaning to blog for the past week really. Much has happened in the span of the week but I haven’t been given much time to think on it. As one would say, my introverted nature is feeling very neglected and wary of seeing so many people. Don’t get me wrong, I love the games and meeting new frosh but it doesn’t really always fill you up. It leaves me wanting for Him.
A week ago I was lying in a very different bed than this one. One in a little Korean-owned building that doubled as a church and backed into a forest of slenderman proportions. Probably at this very moment in time, the words blood-brothers were being said again for what was probably the tenth time. The committee retreat was very much needed. I mean we’d been out of contact for essentially the whole summer, only getting together really for the sake of logistics and doing our homework. Even still, 24 hours wasn’t quite enough. But sharing our testimonies was really important. Seeing where God has been in each of our lives brought a sense of realness. Brought out where each of us are today and how we see God working. It was probably especially valuable for me to learn of Zach. I still got mad trolled by him (something I still need to come to terms with) but it was a blessing to see that beneath all of it, he could ask serious questions and desired genuine worship.
But it ended quite abruptly, sending us all packing for what was to be a week of being thrown into unfamiliar familiar territory. Like a ramped up version of what I’d known.
Before retreat I’d also been to Deedz. Met some other Christians, met someone who knew my housemate. But the biggest part of the night was feeling so low in remembrance. I’d forgotten it, this kind of relational evangelism where we meet people and speak with them. Speak with them of their roots, of what they’re up to now, and of our story. The need to pray for the world had been left in the recesses of my mind tagged with “will do later”. That night the Lord reminded me that even if it’s awkward, to go. And I got to learn more about a sister who I’m growing to admire. “I’ll only say yes to it if I have time to pray for it” she said. It spoke so loudly of who she was.
My farewell to Markham wasn’t particularly graceful. That weekend I hadn’t gone to church because of the retreat. Still, I had been able to regroup with the 3 to chat, eat and pray. And really, that’s more than I could ask for despite possible premature deafness. =P A last minute meeting with Shawna concluded the Pneumatos related happenings of the summer, a good reminder of the need for vision and coupled with that, endurance.
How different that universe is from CCF. Everything fast paced, 4-5 meetings a week with different and the same people, new people everywhere, digging in Word over and over again. But as I briefly discussed with Ben, that isn’t usually the case in post-undergrad life and it’s important to realize that.
Coming back it was as if I never left. The house needed a bit of cleaning but in terms of the people, we all got back into our usual things. The three of us did our cleaning and began to tidy up, I was sad to see some already being reclusive but I know that some of us have made goals to be more intentional. I see so many faces each day, already 15 from my own year and I want to know how every one of them are doing, how their summers were, how they’ve grown in their depth of the knowledge of the Gospel. But alas, most of this week was filled with activities that couldn’t facilitate that well. Collander was a lovely time and full of wonderful laughs and so was Just Dance. But they leave something to be desired. I know DGs will start soon and that’s exciting. But for now, the week has been filled with a lot of admin-ing, adding emails, fixing up the blog, printing sheets, making forms, coordinating different groups. Even my house has contributed to this tiredness; many games and watching of movies/shows have taken place but they lose their merit when they reach a certain degree. I mean no enmity with games. I found Saboteurs most fun and enjoy being with my house. But my heart desires substance and it feels that for all that has happened in the past few days, not much has been found.
But reading through the OT is going well. A continual reminder of a few themes. God is more powerful than we imagine, He is holy, the Israelites (and by extension, us) are a very forgetful breed, and it is not by their holiness that God has chosen them but because He loves them and has chosen them.
The next day speaks of more meetings. 3 in total if it is to be counted. I wonder if the dancing rain will greet my waking tomorrow.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace 