50:56

Today I ran my first 10k race. Reflecting upon it, it’s curious how we pay money to beat our bodies into submission. Especially with a thing like a race. I mean this isn’t rock climbing where I can’t really do this on my own. I can theoretically just…run along the Rail Trail and try my darn hardest. Or I could have bought the Blerch race kit and run it on my own. In all honesty, I’m not quite sure why I signed up for the 10k. I’ve neither trained adequately or really had much evidence to go on that I would do alright. But I signed up for it anyway, probably because like many things, I’m usually up for a good challenge. And I like to beat my body into submission for productive work. Does that sound too masochistic?

I spent the 15 minutes before the race wondering whether I should go get long pants/regretting the decision to go in shorts. I kept trying to find evidence of other people who did not look super jacked who were in shorts. I found little. I lamented that I would be in shorts on a near 0 degree day for roughly an hour. In retrospect it was rather foolish of me. I was about to run a 10k.

Despite having performed pretty well and past my own expectations and those of Ken, part of me was a bit disappointed in myself. I mean I did pretty well for having pretty much popped out of bed (haven’t run in about 2 weeks) and having only run 10k in practice once before. Even in grade 8 as I ran the paltry 3k (which was a crazy challenge back then), my goal had not been to win but to never stop running. And today, despite the much longer distance, I had hoped to do just that. I started off probably very fast, rounding the first kilometre in roughly 4:30 and I will admit that the thrill of the pack and the crowds of people was a pretty decent hype train. Even breaking away from Ken by the 4th kilometre, the first 5km were pretty good. But then began my starting and stopping. I told myself I would just stop for 10 seconds after 5k to blow my nose. Then pretty much every kilometre I stopped for a few seconds to blow my nose. But every time, it got harder to stop back up again. Fortunately, there were enough people in Edu Deo shirts that I always made it my goal to keep up with one of them. By 8k, I had stopped probably 4 times and the last push from 9-10k felt much longer than any of the first 5 kilometres. Even as I saw the finish line, there was a constant voice (I guess I’ve experienced the Blerch) insisting that I could really just walk past the finish line. But there the mixture of the fact that walking through the end would be mad shameful and the fact that I would have all week to rest and be sore kept me going until I heard my name called. And then I pretty much didn’t want to walk any more. I also curiously had the chorus of Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been from Relient K stuck in my head for about the last 4 kilometres. Probably didn’t like myself for having stopped and wanting to give up.

The most evident analogy of the whole thing was the race of faith. It’s probably a combination of the fact that Hebrews 12:1-2 is my favorite verse and that the HCCF theme this year is that verse and explicitly, running the race of faith. And I think the way I ran the race kind of mirrors where I am right now. I am in the middle of the pack. I’m sure if I knew when the day came that I was to finally go home, I’d give a great hurrah and go super hard. And there was once a beginning where I was filled with initial passion and the growth curve felt awesome. But I am now, and will be for a while, in this phase where it is hard to push and it is hard to try and see growth.  It is reflected in my bible reading plan too. Still sitting in the middle of it, ironically struggling through a book that speaks on the importance of wisdom and slow speaking. It’s been a struggle in fourth year to really reclaim my faith as my own and that it is good in and of itself to know Jesus. But it has also been a very necessary lesson as I come out of a heavily work-associated 3rd year and a summer. This verse comes to mind and it cuts pretty hard.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Only one receives the prize. I mean even though I was technically fourth out of 15 and 1:30 from getting onto the podium, and if I had not stopped at all I might have made it, there is still the idea that we push to give everything. If Paul was to play the comparison game he would have easily out done just about every other Christian in most cities he stayed at and he could comfortably sit in his wisdom for a long time. But he didn’t play the comparison game. I guess that flows into another lesson that naturally seems to coincide with my 4th year. I can see myself falling into the trap of being content with being the one of the wisest people in certain groups. I can ask stimulating questions and help to guide new leaders. But as I stumbled upon this random sermon a while ago, a truth resounds. I am far from wise and perfect. I have so much still to learn. I am not my own judge not because I would be too critical but because I do not see anywhere close to the depths of my sin and callousness. In the same way that the beast runner who got 33:44 at the head of the race (and first in my category),  exists, there is Jesus who is infinitely better in every way and that is who I am technically compared to. So I cannot play the comparison game, whether I am in 1st year, 4th year, or just on my deathbed because in all of it, I will lose. But if I really believe Hebrews 12:1-2, Jesus has already won and while there is still a prize to obtain, it is a faith, not a standing. Something I am still very much learning but I have found more and more that I have been praying with a fragment of these words:

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. – 1 Peter 1:6-7

So I am ultimately quite glad and quite blessed to have been able to run today. This month will be a test of endurance in quite a few ways and how appropriate that it should start off with a physical trial.

85   1282 Christopher Chung        51:06 LM20-24    4/15      59  5:07   50:56   Hamilton

*On a side note, there were 3 kids who were 14 who ran faster than me. What is life.

** I wish these 1310 words could count towards nanowrimo