I think I was scared of the loneliness. More than feeling overworked, tired and restless I think I was wholly more scared of the loneliness. Eight hours into this trip and already I’ve tried making communications to people over McDonalds WiFi even if it’s just snippets of small talk. On the bus I had such trouble just sitting there, not sleeping, not reading and just being with the Lord. And I realized this is actually a week that will test the robustness of my relationship with Him. How intimate are we? Kind of like my own version of “date me for three years”and it’s not like I don’t need it. Because here the ministry is gone. The christian friends are not here to proxy and I am wholly…alone. But it’s an important week because more than the fact that I need to med interview prep or finish off assignments, this year I have probably been more tethered to a small group of people more than ever before in university. The introvert does not have wide pools of friends, rather he is latched onto a small group of people he loves.
Clarence spoke of the mission field as a lonely place on missions night. And while I intend to go long term with a family/wife, the exercise is important. Despite the creeping tendrils of unofficial, nonmedical TSA, I know this week is a mission field. 24 people. I don’t know most of them, I know none on a deep level. So this week is more than work, editing my novel, reading papers and playing board games. The Lord has work set out for us this week. And although the loneliness is a bit daunting, I get to spend time with my Father. Why should my heart be sad?
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace 