on my face.
It’s as if I anticipate more to come/ More work to be done. I come home and there’s another bike to fix. or there’s dishes in the sink. Or there’s something new to try.
As much as the hectic welcome week frenzy has ended, it doesn’t feel like anything has slowed down. Birthdays, bible studies, prestudies, club meetings, never leaving what seems to be enough time in between for anything. If I was to be very honest, I’m probably super behind in school right now. I know nothing about what’s happening in CRAP as a whole, only bits and pieces of concepts she spoke of in lecture. There’s a quiz due Saturday. There’s a literature search due on Monday.
In biochem I’m just going to class. Haven’t done any questions, read first two chapters but fearing edition 3 is some trap. There’s a quiz on Monday that’s actually worth a lot. It’s a good thing child health is slow to begin with. But already I can anticipate it being heavy as well.
And so it’s almost like I’m waiting for someone to stop me. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve had deep talks with anyone yet ever since I got back. And it’s not probably anybody’s fault but it’s a lack of really letting things go. I mean at prayer meeting it was nice and I did ask for balance and it was nice to see a brother be changed and to have his heart pointed towards Christ. But I think it’s very different. And this isn’t a cry for help or a public proclamation for somebody to talk to me. I have people in those roles. They’ve just been…busy and we’re having a hard time scheduling. But even then, it’s not like they’re an anchor for my soul.
Tonight I stood in the kitchen doing dishes while my housemates were jamming. And the analogy of Martha and Mary came to mind. But it wasn’t accurate because even after I joined them, there was very little if any rest. I was still doing. My mouth was still opening. My feet and fingers restless.
Holy Spirit turn down this body because I don’t know how.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace 